Kale Shake

The same day I measured my waist and decided to do the Whole 30, I also made myself a kale shake. It was not exactly intended to be a punishment (!) but more of a consequence for my previous bad behavior. After seeing the numbers on the scale and on my measuring tape, I was pretty sure I deserved it. I also had a bad headache. And I was feeling very grumpy.

So I whipped up this extremely healthy shake. I will give you the recipe in case you ever lose your mind, like I did. If you own a Vitamix or other high-powered blender, it is quite possible this shake could turn out to be a smoothie. I could not call mine a "smoothie" because it was not remotely smooth. I could call it a chunky. I literally had to CHEW every sip. And I "drank" the whole thing.

When my husband came home from his morning classes, I told him the whole sad story: how I had gained 5 pounds, how big my waist was, how my head hurt, how grumpy I was feeling, and how I had forced myself to down this entire kale shake. He looked at me very carefully, for fear of me biting his head off, before he quietly explained to me that I was about to get my period. Hence the weight gain. The bloated belly. The headache. The mood swings. (There is no explaining the kale shake. That one was a first for me.)

Is it possible that turning 50 has caused my remaining few braincells to deteriorate completely? Yes, it seems so.

I am writing this blog two days later and I am happy to report that the bloating has begun to subside. I'm not sure if the kale shake cured my problem or not. You should probably try it for yourself and see what happens.

1 banana (fresh or frozen)
2 cups kale (fresh or frozen)
1 cup almond milk
1 TB hemp seeds
1/4 teaspoon cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon turmeric

Place all ingredients into blender. Pulse until combined then blend continuously until as smooth as possible. You can add ice if your ingredients are not frozen to chill your shake. To be perfectly honest, this does not taste bad at all. AND it will be perfectly permissible on the Whole 30!