Once upon a time, there was a girl (okay, it was me) who loved Dunkin' Donuts. (Yes, this is a true story.) She loved the coffee with lots of cream and sugar. (Oh, yes. You did hear that correctly.) She would also enjoy a donut on occasion.
Back in the late 70's and early 80's, the girl could purchase a WHOLE WHEAT donut there! (I am not making this up.) This donut was tasty, not overly sweet, not glazed or frosted, just a plain cake donut made from whole wheat flour. The girl liked the donut very much, but sadly, their love affair was not meant to last forever. The donut soon disappeared.
But never fear! It was replaced with a new donut whose name was OAT BRAN. (I swear, this is true.) And for a period of time (way too short) the girl enjoyed her new donut. Not quite as much, but it was still a pretty decent second choice. Alas, this affair was also short-lived. This new donut went the way of the do-do bird, Milli Vanilli, and the platform shoe.
The girl eventually married and settled down. She began a life devoid of donuts as she came to believe that deep-fried cake slathered in corn-syrup-laden frosting had to be the work of the devil incarnate. The girl remained mostly pure.
Until that dreadful day. (A few days ago.) The day Dunkin' Donuts created yet another new donut. A donut so devious in its shape and form that it came to entice the pure girl. A donut created especially for Valentine's Day. A donut made in the shape of a HEART! Designed to lure romance-minded girls everywhere. A donut filled with (wait for it...) BROWNIE BATTER! (Say WHAT???)
The girl's loving husband saw that the girl desired this donut. He could tell by the thin thread of drool running down her chin each time the commercial aired on their television. Because he loved the girl so much, and only wanted her to be happy, he drove to Dunkin' Donuts and purchased the extremely naughty donut. Atop the corn-syrup-laden glaze was a smattering of pink candy hearts to show his love.
To make a very long story only slightly shorter, the girl ate the donut. Did she love it? No. Did she even like it? No. The girl was deeply disappointed in this disgusting donut which was all hat and no cowboy. And by this, the girl means that it only looked pretty but did not taste of anything besides chemicals and flavorings and vegetable oil and corn syrup.
Moral of the story: do not be fooled by good-looking pastries, cakes, or cowboys in fancy hats.
DISCLAIMER: This writer has absolutely no knowledge of the actual ingredients and/or content of said donuts. Also this writer has mucked up another folksy saying taught to her by her Texas-born husband. This writer apologizes.
Back in the late 70's and early 80's, the girl could purchase a WHOLE WHEAT donut there! (I am not making this up.) This donut was tasty, not overly sweet, not glazed or frosted, just a plain cake donut made from whole wheat flour. The girl liked the donut very much, but sadly, their love affair was not meant to last forever. The donut soon disappeared.
But never fear! It was replaced with a new donut whose name was OAT BRAN. (I swear, this is true.) And for a period of time (way too short) the girl enjoyed her new donut. Not quite as much, but it was still a pretty decent second choice. Alas, this affair was also short-lived. This new donut went the way of the do-do bird, Milli Vanilli, and the platform shoe.
The girl eventually married and settled down. She began a life devoid of donuts as she came to believe that deep-fried cake slathered in corn-syrup-laden frosting had to be the work of the devil incarnate. The girl remained mostly pure.
Until that dreadful day. (A few days ago.) The day Dunkin' Donuts created yet another new donut. A donut so devious in its shape and form that it came to entice the pure girl. A donut created especially for Valentine's Day. A donut made in the shape of a HEART! Designed to lure romance-minded girls everywhere. A donut filled with (wait for it...) BROWNIE BATTER! (Say WHAT???)
The girl's loving husband saw that the girl desired this donut. He could tell by the thin thread of drool running down her chin each time the commercial aired on their television. Because he loved the girl so much, and only wanted her to be happy, he drove to Dunkin' Donuts and purchased the extremely naughty donut. Atop the corn-syrup-laden glaze was a smattering of pink candy hearts to show his love.
To make a very long story only slightly shorter, the girl ate the donut. Did she love it? No. Did she even like it? No. The girl was deeply disappointed in this disgusting donut which was all hat and no cowboy. And by this, the girl means that it only looked pretty but did not taste of anything besides chemicals and flavorings and vegetable oil and corn syrup.
Moral of the story: do not be fooled by good-looking pastries, cakes, or cowboys in fancy hats.
DISCLAIMER: This writer has absolutely no knowledge of the actual ingredients and/or content of said donuts. Also this writer has mucked up another folksy saying taught to her by her Texas-born husband. This writer apologizes.
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