Doing Stuff Alone

Once upon a time, I was an independent woman. That is to say, I could do stuff alone. When I was in college, I regularly went to movies by myself. Not because I didn't have friends, just because I enjoyed being alone. I liked shopping alone. I would even drive long distances by myself without batting an eyelash.

Then I got married and had two beautiful daughters. People do not warn you about how this completely changes every aspect of your life, including your personality. When my first child was born, suddenly I was NEVER alone. I couldn't take a shower, a bath, or even a pee by myself. At every single moment of the day or night, someone was right there next to me, usually touching my physical body. This amount of closeness with other human beings somehow alters the DNA. Permanently.

As a young mother, this constant closeness occasionally drove me batty. I wanted to run screaming into the hills and find a cave to hide out in, somewhere far away where no one would need anything from me. I thought it would probably take a year or two of being totally alone before I'd want to rejoin society. Although I loved my children as much as humanly possible, I didn't always love their company.

Now my girls have grown up and (mostly) flown the coop. As an empty-nester, I have the opportunity to spend time alone again. You'd think I'd be thrilled. Finally, time alone! But do I want to do stuff alone? No. I do not.

It may seem crazy, but I miss those days when I had a little buddy with me all the time. When I had to entertain a tiny person in a car seat by singing or making up games as we drove to the grocery store or the playground. I miss having someone to chat with about every tiny thing as we wander through the stores, finding treasures and treats. Shopping alone might be easier, but it's a whole lot less fun.

I guess the moral of the story is to appreciate your loved ones while they are with you. Our aging parents won't be around forever. Our children grow up way too fast. All too often, we wish the time away, looking forward to the days ahead instead of drinking in every precious moment.