Everything Changes

Many years ago, I wrote a blog about the changes my family was going through at that time. I just went back and read that blog again. So cute, those minor changes I was worried about back then. Adorable changes like a new school year beginning. Oh, the trauma.

The funny thing is: whatever changes we happen to be going through, they always seem like such a big deal in the moment. And years later, we look back on that time of change and somehow it looks so exciting or wonderful or perhaps just less stressful than we thought it was.

But I have to say, I am not a big fan of change.

I've been living in the state of Maryland for about 35 years. Mostly because I hate change. I could teach dance and fitness classes anywhere. I spent the first 18 years of my life in one home because my mother chose to keep us there. I went to high school with a lot of the same kids I knew since kindergarten. And I chose the same for my kids--to live in one home and have some of the same friends from elementary all the way through high school. Is this a good thing? Is this why I fear change? Who knows!

There is one thing I do know: change is inevitable.

You can try to avoid change. You can stay in the same home, in the same city, in the same state. You can stay married to the same person. You can hold onto the same pair of jeans you wore in 7th grade. (This is a fact you might not have known about me.) You can cook the same recipes your mom made, from the same cookbook she got for her wedding in 1962. (Yes, this is true.)

But no matter how much you try to hold onto the past, the future keeps sneaking up on you. The future means progress. Progress is just a fancy word for change.

I went to the dentist last week to get my teeth cleaned. I've been seeing the same hygienist for close to 20 years. And last week, although I made an appointment with her, she was not there. I had to see some newly hired replacement who was young and knew everything. Except me. She didn't know me at all. I was already disappointed by the new dentist they brought in, and his new assistant. I liked the old dentist and his old assistant very much. When I went to pay, they had a new person in the office as well. My day was pretty much ruined.

I know all of this sounds silly. But it's an example of how everything changes, whether or not we want it to. I would have preferred to keep my dentist and all the office staff the same, but no one asked me if I wanted these changes. I don't get to pick and choose if and when change happens in my life. None of us do.

Buddhists have the "answer" to this dilemma. The answer is non-attachment. Attachment causes suffering. If we expect that things will not change, we will be disappointed and upset when they do. If we grasp tightly and try to hold onto things--people, situations, jobs, whatever--we will inevitably be unhappy when we cannot. Because everything changes.

People grow up, move away, change their minds, get sick, grow old, and die. Situations run their course, wind down, fall apart, and end. Jobs might or might not continue.You cannot count on any of it remaining the same.

How do you embrace change? Beats me. But I do know it's the only way, so I guess I've gotta try.