Love What IS

Another way to say this would be: Embrace reality. Or maybe Be Here Now.

When we're going through something difficult or challenging, it's natural to want to quit. Or escape. Or pretend it's not happening. Our minds are adept at avoiding and denying anything painful.

We might be good at denial, but denial is not actually good for us. It's a coping strategy, but not a helpful one. Maybe it works for psychopaths, but the rest of us need to rely on something better. Something healthier.

I'm suggesting we attempt instead to embrace reality. Stoics have a name for this philosophy: AMOR FATI. Loving what is.

Basically, instead of pushing away the things--thoughts, feelings, events, issues--that make us uncomfortable, we embrace them. Not just accept their existence, but actually appreciate them. Even love them.

Yes, this is difficult. At times, perhaps even impossible. If we take this theory to the extreme, we would have to love even the most horrible events in our lives. I can definitely see a problem here. There are a few events in my own past that I will never love, no matter how wise and stoic I become. Sure, I can accept the fact that these things happened, but that's as good as it's gonna get.

Excluding the truly horrific events, I believe we can benefit from embracing most of what life brings. Even the stuff that's stressful and not particularly fun.

These days, I'm doing my best to embrace change. I have already chosen to embark on a new path. I'll be moving one thousand miles south before the year is over. In order to make this dream a reality, I must now also embrace a whole bunch of stuff that normally I avoid. Stuff like constant de-cluttering, cleaning, staging, and showing my home to potential buyers. It's very easy to get wrapped up in the tension and strain. But despite all my whining, there's a silver lining to this process.

I'm learning to keep our home MUCH cleaner. I'm learning to make the bed when I get up. I'm learning to put items away when I'm finished using them. I can actually see the countertops in the kitchen! I'm remembering why I fell in love with this home in the first place.

Most of life is a mixed bag. There is almost always some sadness thrown in with the joy. There's usually some fear along with the thrill of anticipation. Our experiences are never black or white; we exist mostly in a gray area.

Within this mixed-up, tossed-salad, gray-area life, we can't control most of the things that happen to us. But we can control how we react. We can control our attitudes and responses. We can let anger, fear, frustration, and sadness take over our minds. Or we can choose to embrace what is. We can love this (F*@#ING) opportunity for growth.

I know I'm gonna AMOR the heck of this damn FATI. Who's with me?